February 8 2004, I lost my belief in God…it was the day my father died.  I asked God…why, why in the world would YOU take my father? In 2002 my father was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer, it was the worst day of my life. So I did what every Catholic raised person would do, I prayed but I prayed when it was convenient for me.  On February 8th 2004, he passed away. Not five months later on June 6th 2004, my favorite aunt who was diagnosed with the same thing passed away too.

It was the worst four month span of my life! So what did I do? I put two fingers in the air and turned my back on God and my will over to crystal meth. I “felt” so much better, it took all my pain away or so I thought. But in reality it was the start of my problems for the next eight years to come. Why did I need the belief of a higher power when I had my meth? In that time I got married but the only thing we had in common was meth and it ruined my marriage. It only lasted one year and one month to the day. There was a lot of verbal and physical abuse which accumulated from our meth use.

There I was alone, hurt and confused. Still, I wasn’t praying or even thinking of my higher power. Then march 2nd 2007 I met the true love of my life and I stopped using. But as troubles brewed in our relationship I again turned to meth instead of my higher power and my whole world collapsed.

On December 5th 2012, I checked into The Retreat and it was the best thing to ever happen to me. Three days later, December 8th, I went to my room and got on my knees, threw my hands on the bed and turned my head to the side saying, “God I surrender my life and my will over to you”. From that day forward my life changed, things started happening to me I can’t explain and it is all good. I have started praying again and believing in my higher power. God is there and I have realized that I was a fool for ever blaming Him for those four terrible months.  When you let go of the wheel and stop trying to run the show yourself life can become good. I am now 168 days sober and by the grace of God I have my family back. My advice to you, never ever stop believing!  God is all around just stop and listen because he is talking. Gods speed to all. Joseph R.