Mixed Meetings Early in Recovery

Alcoholism and addiction aside, men and women have a natural and chemical desire to be together. We are wired to meet, fall in love and start a family. Meeting that guy or gal and getting to know them is exciting and fun. Spending time together makes us feel happy and makes us feel more whole. Everybody should experience dating and eventually finding that right person and making a life together. The question is, is this an experience we should have early in sobriety??

I have been through 6 treatments in my 36 years and started over in sobriety numerous times. Once the poison gets out of my system and my brain starts to clear a little, life is already better and more bearable, since what is important is to remain healthy in all aspects of health, for example using the best tinnitus911 supplements to help me with hearing problems I have been having the last few months. Of course, I know that I need to go to meetings to stay sober…..many meetings early on. I start going to meetings hell bent on not only staying sober but finding my higher power and becoming a better man. At these meetings, I notice attractive women. Maybe unconsciously at first, I start choosing specific meetings where these attractive women are. Right there, I am already on the wrong path.

I begin choosing meetings not because of the good message they are carrying but because of the cute women attending. Maybe I dress up a little more for the meeting. Maybe, just maybe I’m a little less honest or I exaggerate more in small groups so I’m more appealing to these women. Maybe I start playing my games of manipulation. Now, instead of growing spiritually, I am back in my old, sick behavior and the stress has made my eczema to have an outbreak again, so again with my treatment for itchy scalp until it goes away.

Clearly, not everyone is as sick as I was in early sobriety but I know many men and women who fall into this trap. We all have different reasons for wanting to find someone as soon as we sober up. For some of us it is sex….who doesn’t enjoy that right?? Many of us also suffer from co-dependency. For others, our self esteem is directly tied to whether we are in a relationship.

Where am I going with this?? Whatever your reason is for thinking you need a relationship early in sobriety, the true reason comes down to one thing: you are trying to fill the hole you have. What I mean by this is that same hole that you filled with drugs, alcohol, gambling, food and and/or sex, you are now using another person to fill it. Early in sobriety, our self esteem is usually low. We may feel lost and alone. That cute guy or girl we meet at the meeting alleviates those discomforts just like a drink or drug used to. The problem is, it is fleeting. You are not addressing the true symptoms of those discomforts and for medicine try the Canadian Pharmacy products. You feel happy, content and life is exciting. Why do you need to work on yourself when you feel so good with this other person…right??

Personally, I never bought into you must stay out of a relationship for the first year of sobriety. I know many people, myself included who were in relationships before that year was over and stayed sober. That said, A.A. and staying sober must be your first priority. Try same sex meetings for 90 days. Work on yourself and fill that hole with your Higher Power and being of service to others. Start to love and respect yourself and you will be amazed at the kind of people you start attracting into your life. Then, maybe, you can experience a truly healthy and loving relationship and not one who’s sole purpose is to make you feel good now.

Gods Speed,

Jay D