Early Recovery Struggles

Hello my name is Joe and I’m an alcoholic and an addict! I came through the retreat on December 5th of 2012 and my journey ended on January 4th 2013, the retreat saved my life!!! I was addicted to crystal meth and it was running my life inside and out. I needed help and couldn’t find a way to tell anyone, one night things got out of hand with my fiancé and me. The next day I went to my mom’s to stay a couple days, two days later my fiancé came over to my moms and with that urgent look in her eyes saying we need to talk. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to say to her and I wasn’t sure what she meant because I had no idea that she knew. After ten minutes or so of saying “what do you mean” she finally said to me “you’ve been doing meth?” at that point my heart sunk into my stomach and my head lowered and I said “yes I have”. I felt relieved at this point but I also felt like someone who just let down their best friend and life companion. My addiction has destroyed my relationship with her which to this day I am trying to mend. There has been a lot of trust issues with her and I am still living at my mom’s to this day. She has a hard time dealing with the fact that I was using under her nose and she had no idea. There was also a little incident with her best friend… we were caught kissing, by her thirteen year old son and all of this happened because I was USING!! I didn’t need to go to treatment but for the sake of my family and everybody I did. The funny thing about it was I was going there to quit meth and thought I could come out and drink a few beers and smoke a little weed but stay off the meth. Well as we all know if you are going to be sober you have to go all in.  After a week of being in treatment I decided to go all in and have been sober now for ninety-one days. I wouldn’t trade my path for the world, the only problem is my fiancé has a hard time with it, not with the fact that I don’t drink anymore but she won’t drink around me, go to a bar and sing karaoke like we used to do. It has caused a lot of problems in our relationship I am adamant that it does not bother me but she still will not drink around me which I guess is good but to be honest alcohol wasn’t my problem. But one leads to the other so I do understand it. She also feels strongly about me not belonging in a bar but for us to go out and sing karaoke we have to and since I’ve been back we have not sang at all. I respect her wishes and we don’t go out to the bars but we don’t go out at all, she goes out.   While she is out I sit at my moms and wait for her to call me or text me that she wants me to come back home, honestly, it hurts. I love her with all my heart and always will and I guess that’s why I sit and wait because I feel I “owe” her. They say if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be so we will see. But this obstacle does not stop me from working my program. I pray every day I meditate and I go to meetings and I meet my sponsor and still to this day I have no urge to drink at all or use what so ever. And I owe that to The Retreat and myself and the belief in my higher power which I will talk about next week.
God speed to all,
Joseph R.

– To check: Premier Services From Transitions Recovery Program.