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When I was deep into my active alcoholism, I was a lonely person who was hell bent on controlling everything and everyone in my life. As we all know, that doesn’t work out well.
Each morning, I would write the script for my day. That script was very self-centered. Not only did I write the script for the day, I also wrote the ending – how everything was to turn out.
The ending in my scripted day never matched reality. I would be full of resentment, anger and felt a loss of control in my life.
This was a daily cycle that went on for years. When my reality didn’t match my script, I only had one coping mechanism; to mask reality by drinking my conflict away.
Being introduced to the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I found myself looking directly at the answer to my scripted life vs. daily reality conflict. Step 3 says, “We became willing to turn our will and lives over to the care of God, as we understand him”. Understanding and living this step stops me from scripting my day. If I turn my will over to my higher power, I can’t be trying to write my daily script.
Life then meets the definition of serenity. Conflict, resentment and anger goes away. Life gets easier and much better.
All I had to do was become willing to turn my will and life over to the care of my higher power. It was that simple. That willingness, for me, is the Spirituality part of the A.A. program.
I see an immediate effect when I try and take back my will. Resentment and anger rises quickly. Now, however, my coping skill involves stepping back from writing my daily script, turning my will and life back over to the care of my higher power. Serenity, sanity and happiness quickly returns.
If you find yourself having trouble breaking the bonds of resentment and have trouble finding or keeping sobriety, look to the spirituality aspect of the A.A. program. The Spirituality part of this program works, may you find it now.
I pray that we all find the happy, joyous and free life that Spirituality provides. Thank you for letting me share. Tom G.
This was a good one Tom, thanks for the reading and opening up about that!! – Heidi
